I have no words to describe how I feel this morning but dammit I’m going to try because I need to get this out.

Once again, my right to exist and live freely is being debated in front of SCOTUS and I’m so distraught because of it. The anger that’s eating me up is a seething monstrosity that feels like something with a millions legs crawling over my soul. And the fear of the outcome is tangible.

The case currently before SCOTUS is going to affect millions of lives. It will determine whether or not we can be fired for simply being LGBTQ. It’s a simple question but the answer will be profound and long-lasting. And unfortunately, there is a real chance that we’ll lose. But, I guess there’s also a chance we’ll win. But hope for me, these days, is fleeting and right now I feel hopeless because of this case. I feel out of control and lost, like I’m on a plane nose-diving into the ground.

I woke up at two this morning crying; my body and mind gripped with fear and anger and loathing for the monsters who have gotten us to this point. How simple is it to not discriminate against someone for being LGBTQ? Apparently, it’s a world changing thing that has to be debated in front of the nation’s highest court. And while that’s happening, we get to suffer and have our dignity once again challenged because of religious fuckups and their, quite frankly, ostentatious and stupid fairytales. It’s demeaning. It’s demoralizing. It’s dehumanizing. It’s sickening.

I truly have no idea how to handle this. My mind is racing: If I feel like this, what is a child who is LGBT thinking? How many will this drive to suicide? What else are we going to have to endure to ensure that we are treated with dignity and respect?

I just want to live my life and be happy. Why is that so much to ask?